are you kidding me!?

these last few months have been so amazingly hard. both kids have been grouchy and not sleeping and i just feel like i cant be mom anymore. i keep telling curtis i am done...no more kids for me!! (probably not true but thats how i feel most days). i thought once we moved out of the apartment things would get better but they haven''t. at least not yet. mason still wont sleep on his own. i have this great book about sleeping problems and i have tried everything it suggests but nothing has helped. i'm just crossing my fingers that it will fix itself over time. sophie is still waking up every 3 hours to eat. between the two of them i don't get much sleep which makes the days super long...especially since they wake up when curtis leaves for work at 6 am. sophie is a freaking whiner. all day long that is all i hear. at night she screams like she is hurting. i give her gas mecidine and hope it helps her feel better.
a few days ago i was looking up some information on an anti-depressant that i am taking and noticed that it said "can cause baby to be irritable, upset stomach, etc." after reading that and thanks to an annoying side effect that i'm experiencing, i decided to find a doctor and get everything figured out. she said the side effect is a common one with anti depessants and she found that this particular medication i was taking is NOT recommended for breastfeeding and it does cause the baby to be irritable, sleeping problems, etc. OH MY GOSH!! i was so angry!! when i first started the medication, i picked my prescription up and noticed it said "DO NOT take if you are breastfeeding." i called my doctor 2 or 3 different times confirming that it was still ok. he told me he recommends that to all his patients who are breastfeeding. guess that's what i get for going to my normal doctor instead of my OBGYN. about the same time i started that medication is when sophie started being a problem child. she went from sleeping 6 hours a night at 2 months old, to not sleeping at all; she went from crying only when she needed something to crying all the time. i feel like such a bad mom :( you know how it is to be a mom....you feel like everything that happens is your fault. luckily i went into the doctor and got things worked out. i am now on a different medication so i'm hoping it can help me and sophie get back to normal.
on the plus side we love our house!! i love having our own space, a yard to play in, counter space and being able to do our laundry without lugging an overflowing basket down a flight of stairs to the laundry room. curtis' dad has been a great help upgrading a few things; putting in ceiling fans and a garage door opener. we are super appreciative of him! we hope that everyone is doing well! we miss all our friends and family in utah! we were so sad that we weren''t able to come out during casey's visit....our house finished that same time and we weren't able to work the trip around the closing date and moving out of our apartment before the end of the month. hope to see you all sometime soon!